Sometimes we go all the way out for those we love but really, just because they love you doesn’t mean they’re worth it.Know your worth, and don’t put up with people who don’t.
Nonetheless, you hurt me friend. In ways that I did not know you could. From someone else, I could have handled it, but from you? That was a totally different situation to be honest. I thought we were friends, I thought you knew me better, I thought you trusted me. Heck you gave me hope and a reason to smile at some point, but you turned around and shuttered my belief. You took away every ounce of peace and joy that you had brought along.
In as much as I could still trust you with my finances, you showed me that my heart was too big a responsibility for you.
I couldn’t stop thinking about you or wondering the whys and what ifs. It didn’t make any sense whatsoever but I kept trying to make sense out of it. I tried to wait for time to heal the wounds but it’s as though no matter how much amount of time passed, the wound wouldn’t close.
So I made a conscious decision to forget you, everything about you. All you stood for and represented.
I remember that time you made me cry, tears of joy and relief too. I might not have told you about the relief part but what you did for me that day, man, you are heaven sent, I really needed it. I didn’t know I did until you did it. And I really felt myself having a release of some of the pain that I felt inside and a burden was lifted.
Have you ever read Little Red Riding hood? I haven’t. I was actually shocked when I watched The Secret Life of Pets 2 last week and I found out that by the time Little Red Riding Hood got to her Granny’s house the wolf had already eaten her! I was shooketh! But a story I definitely read in my childhood is that of the Three Little Pigs and the fox was it? Let’s go with wolf hahaha. (Thank God for the internet, it was definitely a Big Bad Wolf.) That one had a moral that I can use even as an adult. “I’ll huff and puff, and blow your house down!” I really enjoyed narrating that story, with all the huffs and puffs in role playing hahaha. Oh and picking the little pig who built a brick house.
So to my brothers, I love you and I can’t imagine doing life without you.
I forgive you for everything, for the things that I knew and those I didn’t. for those you knowingly and unknowingly did. I forgive you for the pain you made me feel and the joy you took with you when you left. I forgive you for being young and unable to love me the way I deserve to be loved.
Isn’t it weird that when people think of Mr Wrong the idea is that they are a bad and horrible person? I mean that’s what I was imagining until I realised that nah fam, Mr Wrong is someone who just isn’t right for you, like you for me.
I didn’t know it was you until I started thinking about what I’d write. Heck I had no one in mind, honestly, until it dawned on me that it was you all along. It has always been you.
And this is one of my longer letters, almost as long as the number of years I have known you so here goes.
I am a very nice person, extremely nice! I am very bubbly, very welcoming, easy going, fun to hang around etc, to mention a few. However, it’s as though I have some sort of bipolar behaviour from time to time. Cause there is another side of me, another part of me that honestly even I cannot stick around to watch unfold. That girl is just all the things that can make you run for dear life.
You Mr Hotep, I do not have words for you right now, just do some self-introspection.
I could say so much more. I could be angry, I am angry, but really, I am so sad and heartbroken. My heart pleads and I write to you, ko tikachinja maitiro nhai? (What if we change our ways?).
From a heart broken Black African Queen
My Kings, do better.